The Long-Nosed Leopard Lizard and Other Local Road Menaces!

Photograph: Arches National Park, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons

Springtime disruptions have been reported along the back roads near Searchlight, where male Leopard Lizards seem to be challenging motor vehicles to a mating display standoff. These stocky, big-headed reptiles are large by desert lizard standards (sometimes over a foot long), but still minuscule compared to most people’s SUVs.

Locals have encountered these bozos in pairs, with one liz-ard (male) darting out into the road to face off with oncoming traffic, while the other (female) looks on, most-likely in embarrassment. Drivers of stopped vehicles are met with further resistance from these horny fellows, who sometimes refuse to budge from their “special place” for several minutes. Eventually however, these lizards can apparently be made to come to their senses and move aside without further incident.

“That look in their eyes means business”, stated one Grandpas Road resident, who prefers to remain anonymous, for fear of future lizard retaliations. “Sometimes after an encounter, I see visions of them glaring at me, with their bumpy skin and their muscular arms tensed for battle, and it reminds me of my ex. I have to take Valium to get a good night’s sleep after that.” (The editors have met this resident’s ex and the description of her is apt.)

Human travelers are not the only ones annoyed by this seemingly pointless transaction. Lady lizards have been quick to chime in on the subject. One local liz-ard, who we’ll call “Sheila” for her own protection (although she offered to use her full and correct name, and was quoted, saying “I’m not afraid of those idiots – they’re smaller than I am!”) responded to queries about the males’ behavior with this blunt statement: “None of us gals has ever been, or will ever be, the tini- est bit impressed by guys who display this ridiculous behavior. I’m not even sure what the message is – do they actually think they have a chance against a Range Rover? Or are they threatening suicide if we don’t mate with them – who can tell? Not me, and I’d rath-er my lineage go extinct than produce offspring with any of those knobheads!”

Interestingly, extinction is in fact a possibility for a close relative of the Long-Nose Leopard Lizard. Now found only in the San Joaquin Valley and its surroundings, the Blunt-Nosed Leopard has been on the endangered species list since 1967. These lizards are known for their aggressive mating displays, and according to the US Fish and Wildlife Service, one of the causes of their decline is “vehicle-related mortality from vehicles.”

The Nevada Department of Wildlife’s website had this to say about our Long-noses, who are found throughout the Western US and Northern Mexico, and are not especially threatened at this time: “The Long-nosed Leopard Lizard is not territorial and, other than interactions associated with mating, adults appear to be rather oblivious of each other…when threatened, it typically runs to the base of a shrub and remains motionless.” When asked for comment, Sheila said simply, “Oh Yeah? Well, some of our boys didn’t get that memo.”

Speaking of dirt road menaces, the local snakes can also be found at times sunning themselves along our driving routes. Your Gold Beam editors are reminded of a tale told to us by the late, great Gene Lambert, long-time resident and heroic, cowboy-vigilante-style protector of Searchlight’s outlying areas. Gene could often be found racing home up the back roads in his Pontiac Firebird at speeds unconducive to the continuation of the local male Long Nose Lizard population.

Gene was a teller of many colorful personal adventures, and from experience, we know most of them to be true. This one involved his car and an innocent Mojave Green rattlesnake, who was attempting to mind his own business (spoiler alert: everyone mercifully survives this transaction). We’ve heard this story several times from Gene over the years, so we will attempt to tell it here in something akin to his own voice, which we are sure is the way Gene would have wanted it.

Gene usually started off this story saying something like, “I’ve always heard that Mojave Green rattlesnakes are the meanest, most aggressive snakes in the Mojave. People say the Greens’ll chase you, and I’ve always wondered if that were true.” He would then continue on in this fashion:

“One time I was driving home down Hwy 95, when I saw a Mojave Green lying there stretched out on the shoulder of the road. I thought I’d stop and have a look, so I parked a-ways back and got out and walked over towards it until I got pret-ty darn close to it, just out of striking distance (editor’s note: We’re cleaning up Gene’s lan-guage here. Sorry, Gene.)

That darn snake just kept lying there and not doing anything, not paying any attention to me at all. So I threw a rock towards it - not trying to hit it or nothin like that, but just to get its attention. And it still kept lying there, doing nothin’. I threw another one at it, and then that snake started slithering AWAY from me!

Now I was sure that people were full of it about Mojave Greens, but I kept throwing another couple of rocks toward it anyway as it slithered away, and sure enough -- all of a sudden, that snake turns around and starts runnin’ right at me to strike, and then chases me, fast! It chased me all the way back to my car, and I barely got the door open and me inside and the door locked before it was right there. I was pretty shocked at that point, and it took me a minute to recover and drive away. And then I thought to myself, ‘Yep, the Mojave Greens’ll chase ya all right!’”

Your editors would like to note that this is the kind of story that sticks with a person as they are roaming the desert, and not in a way that makes one want to throw rocks at snakes. We suggest keeping to a reasonable speed on backroads for the safety of yourself and the Long Nosed Lizards, and let’s hope that all of us animals can all mind our own business out here for the most part.

The Long-Nosed Leopard Lizard and Other Local Road Menaces can be found in Issue #1 of the Gold Beam!